What can no longer define me

There’s always something about every person, that is soft spot. Something that you hate. Something that’s held you back your entire life. Something that you’ve waited so long to see change. The biggest blow is when you think to yourself finally… finally things are different. And then like an explosion out of nowhere, everything comes crashing down and you realize that it hasn’t really changed. Time has passed, most everything else is changed, but that one awful thing has not.

It’s followed me around my entire life. It has been the chip on my shoulder, the elephant standing in every room i’m in, the reason i’ve tried to run away so many times. I fear that no matter how much time passes, it will never change. In some aspects in will, but in others it won’t. To some people, that will always be the kryptonite they can use against me. For others, it will never mean a thing to them.

My prayer today is that God would move me beyond it. It has followed me to every place I’ve ran to. It has been the reason for some of the dumbest choices I’ve made. It has held me back more than anything ever should. I pray that somehow he moves me past it… that in spite of it all, he uses me. Also, I pray those who don’t deal well with this so-called problem would learn to move past it. This would not be what defines me. May I know who I am in HIM today. May I know it always.

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