This weekend, a hero went home to be with our precious Jesus. It was a shock and I still can’t believe it. There aren’t words enough to say what an amazing man he was. He was one of the few people I would classify as my “hero”. He loved God with a passionate love unlike almost anyone else you’d ever meet. He sacrificed everything for the Gospel of Jesus Christ and for God’s glory. What a precious man he was. He showed love to everyone he came in contact with. He loved with a special and personal kind of love that could only come from Christ. He will be greatly missed.
I miss him already, more than words could say. Although I know that he is now seeing the reward and fruit of the years of labor and service on this Earth, it’s hard to know I won’t see him on this side again. His hugs were my favorite and every time he would come into town I would always be so excited. This precious man knew me when I was an infant and has loved me all of my life. He was the kind of person you knew you could depend on, the kind of man who was the most trustworthy you could find. He could also make you laugh until you cried. He was always one for playing jokes and telling stories…and I will miss that so much. I will miss his jokes, his smile and how he called me “Miss America” every time he saw me. He will forever be a part of my heart and have a special place in the heart of my family. Pray for us as we experience this difficult time. More so than that, be praying for his family and that God would wrap them in his arms and give them strength through all of this.
Today I woke up to the sound of a moving truck. I am not the one moving, but yet I’m sure I felt emotion as strong as the people that are. While their emotions are probably completely opposite of mine….I’m sure this is emotional for everyone. Today I woke up to the sound of victory. I smiled as I opened my eyes, realizing that although the timing seemed slow…..God did not let his children be crushed by their adversaries. Today, I woke up to the truth that his love will never leave me and that there is new mercy every morning.
There’s always something about every person, that is soft spot. Something that you hate. Something that’s held you back your entire life. Something that you’ve waited so long to see change. The biggest blow is when you think to yourself finally… finally things are different. And then like an explosion out of nowhere, everything comes crashing down and you realize that it hasn’t really changed. Time has passed, most everything else is changed, but that one awful thing has not.
It’s followed me around my entire life. It has been the chip on my shoulder, the elephant standing in every room i’m in, the reason i’ve tried to run away so many times. I fear that no matter how much time passes, it will never change. In some aspects in will, but in others it won’t. To some people, that will always be the kryptonite they can use against me. For others, it will never mean a thing to them.
My prayer today is that God would move me beyond it. It has followed me to every place I’ve ran to. It has been the reason for some of the dumbest choices I’ve made. It has held me back more than anything ever should. I pray that somehow he moves me past it… that in spite of it all, he uses me. Also, I pray those who don’t deal well with this so-called problem would learn to move past it. This would not be what defines me. May I know who I am in HIM today. May I know it always.