You cannot know at sixteen
how a simple decision
will carve its way into your being
That even at thirty-two
you will carry
the scared/naive/uncertain
parts that once carried you

You cannot know
that those same feelings
will have burrowed into your bones
That growing up
doesn’t make you feel grown
They do not tell you that your childhood–
or your coming of age
roots in the muscles of your heart
That you will not outgrow them someday

They will not tell you
That the fear and wonder will not
discontinue or expire
That their half life
is longer than half of your life
If time is a healer
then age is a liar

You are not designed
to parent the part of you
that comes alive in the tense or tender
In some ways you
will always be young
You will always remember