Ashlin B
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Not once in my childhood did I ever daydream of running away and joining the circus. But when I reached the shoreline, felt the burning heat of summer, the sticky sand and salt clinging to my skin, I started to long for a haphazard kind of life. Because I realized I still don’t know how…
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When I first showed up to that little town, I had handfuls of fear and a back-pocket plan of escape. I had stubbornly decided to never hang another picture on the wall. I was terrified of ever planting my feet, of ever letting my heart get rooted again. For those few years, the walls stayed…
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The first thing I thought was, “God, I don’t want to do this.” But then I said beneath my breath, “Yes, I want to do this. I want to do hard and holy things.” I want to do the thing that’s kicking me in the gut right now. That is making me feel fearful and…
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“Keep me soft.” This is the thing I pray when I’m gripping my steering wheel and wondering why it appears that God always invites me down these insanely rocky paths. This time last year, my heart was full of things I kept shoving down. I was choking on the truth, drowning in the words that…
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I hope the fireflies show up for you. Like they did for us when our feet ran through the damp grass of my grandparent’s backyard on summer evenings. When we reached the walkway, the little pebbles would dig into our heels. I still have a scar on my left hand from the branch that snapped…
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“You’re like a potted plant—you take your roots with you.” Suddenly I felt like a sturdy, hefty, bright and nourished pillar that someone could turn toward and say “look at that, doesn’t she just brighten up this space?” After years of everything feeling temporary, transient, impermanent, her words made me realize that no matter how…
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California. I thought it would be all sunshine, warmth, orange-hued days and lightweight laughter. But the air had a chill, the clouds were heavy with rain, the days thick with prayers and an ache for something more. From the moment the plane drifted below the clouds and I saw the sun setting over the land…
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My back slid down the wall of that hotel lobby, tears streaming down my face. The knife in my heart dug deeper as I stared at the monotonous opening and closing of the elevator doors. It was happening all over again. The grief of repeated patterns. The pain of I’ve been here before and somehow…
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As someone who has struggled with perfectionism, I started realizing about a month ago I am well on my way to ulcers and wrinkles if something doesn’t change. I’ve been at a crossroads. I’m on the path to what could actually turn out to be my version of failure. As someone who takes great pride…
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I like to be in control. I have been told that at the age of two-years-old I marched up to my Dad and his friend Stanley and informed them I would like for them to paint my bedroom for our new house blue instead of pink. It didn’t matter that the walls were already painted,…
ASHLIN'S BLOG 