I’m amazed at how a heart can hurt. Have you ever been in that situation? Where something happens and literally your heart hurts inside your chest? Tonight, I had a realization…I realized that it’s okay to cry. I know it seems like an obvious thing, but in all truth, i’ve struggled to come to terms with that. If you’ve been around me much lately, you will know that I have come to a place where I literally weep about everything, no matter how small. I went through this time of thinking I was losing my mind, but tonight I was given a different view, a view far beyond something I could come up with on my own.
I started thinking about Eden, it was strange..because it was on my heart today (as well as my facebook status) and then my sister brought it up in conversation. I started thinking about how the way things were SUPPOSED to be. I thought about how much I’ve been crying and I just felt a sense that I am starting to learn how things are not as they were meant to be. We were never meant to know hurt, we were not created to know loss, we were not created to say goodbye.
Saying goodbye to friends I made in Israel, to Israel itself and to the food bank was incredibly hard. There were times my heart literally hurt inside my chest. It amazes me every time I leave someone I’ve come to know and see the attachment that I’ve formed. I thought it was just a weird thing about me, but in reality, being attached, loving people…that we WERE created to know; it is the loss and the separation that comes that we were never intended to experience. It makes sense why my heart hurts the way it does…because in reality, it wasn’t meant to be this way.
So, what do I do now? I realize that it wasn’t MEANT to be this way, but the reality is…it IS this way. Goodbyes happen, heartbreak comes, people leave, people die and heartbreak inevitably follows. Part of me just shook my head, “God, what am I supposed to do with that?” Then I realized, what a stupid question. He took care of it, it was for that purpose that He came… He came to make right what is so incredibly wrong. He came to restore all that was lost. It gives me hope, it makes me realize that in ACTUAL reality, there are no goodbyes, there is no loss…there is nothing “taken” that will not be restored and restored in perfection some day.
While it’d be ideal to see it all on earth, there are some things that I will not encounter again while I’m here…yet, there’s a hope in me that God makes connections, takes us places and opens doors for a reason, there are no coincidences. He has a reason. He sees the entire picture… even though I don’t. I realized tonight, it’s okay to cry… it’s okay to realize that things aren’t as they should be. Yet, I realized that it’s after that that I must rejoice, for I have been given a promise far greater than any loss I might feel. It is the promise of abundant life and the promise of John 14:2-4
“In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.”
So, tonight, while I may be missing Israel and the people there and the amazing adventures I encountered… I rejoice because I know there are far greater things ahead than any I’ve left behind… I rejoice because I know the way to the place that He has gone and I know there’s hope for a day when all will be made right.
ASHLIN BOYLES 