“Sometimes the only way to get the right perspective is to let enough time pass.”
Perhaps that statement is true and if so, I may need to wait several weeks before writing this post because I have so many things from the past few days that I am trying to see with a clear perspective. When I close my eyes and begin to think about all that happened the first four days of this new year, I see just a flood of so many images in my mind.
I see the long bus rides that seemed to go on forever, but that held some conversations that may have changed my life. Images of standing in the middle of 60,000 people of my generation worshiping their hearts out, reuniting with two of the sweetest friends I’ve ever known and having them pray over me, laughter in the GWCC, crazy food lines in the CNN building, flooding the streets of downtown to take a stand to end modern day slavery. I reflect on those moments where I stayed up late pursuing conversations of healing and answers, trying to sleep at night and laughing with three amazing women at our ridiculous squeaky beds. Community groups of honesty, laughter and revelation that stuck with me. All of these things continue to play through my head and I realize there was so much I didn’t see while I was in the middle of it all. There was so much happening in my heart and I didn’t even realize how I’d feel when I arrived home.
Looking back, I see so many amazing things, but I also see the perspective that I had in those moments and how different it was than I thought it would be. I see the things that influenced my perspective and as I now try and wait for time to pass, to see if it will change what I’m seeing, I realize that until that comes, there’s nothing I can do to change my view at the moment.
And really, my current perspective isn’t my usual rational and clear-headed view of things. These days, it seems to be drawn from the well of emotions deep in my heart. Even though my head knowledge seems to say some things, it’s the other part of me that seems to be winning out and for now, I’m resolved to understanding that short of God shifting my view, not even logic can change what I see today.
Maybe that’s what’s best for me as I start this new year off. Maybe it’s important that I understand that even in all my human logic, rational thinking, black & white view, I cannot force my heart to change and today, I’m grateful for that. Maybe some of those things aren’t supposed to change because maybe “logic and rational thinking” aren’t always truth. Maybe sometimes truth can be found in emotions. But for someone like me, that’s really hard to imagine. But in all of this, I realize the only one who has the power to do something so miraculous as make truth (if they are my logical thinking) travel the 18 inch journey from my head to my heart, is Jesus. I’m glad it’s not a journey I can force or make happen. So for now, I’m resolved to say that the Lord has done great things and I am glad. And in the middle of that, whatever else was going on that I can’t seem to understand or get clear perspective on, I trust him to unfold it in a way that’s best for me. I’m grateful that I started this year off the way I have the two before. I got to take a stand with my generation for the glory of Jesus to be made known, freedom for the captives and unity among the body. And as always, I am reminded that His Kingdom is far more important than my current perspective. So, all I can say is: this is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it.