This One’s For The Boys

All you guys out there…

I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.

I’m sorry we keep trying to rip you away from your heart… and demanding that you tend to ours.

A lot of you have been labeled “players, heartbreakers, little boys, jerks” and all the other names that sit comfortably next to those in a Thesaurus.

Because I’m not sure who or when we decided that guys needed to give up their boyhood dreams at 20. I wasn’t there when society, or females, or whoever it was decided that you had to give up the adventure in your heart to hand a female her “Happily Ever After”.

I wasn’t there. But I wish I had been.

Because I would tell all the feminists, all the “independent women” to throw their stinking hands up at me.. because maybe they’re on to something. (Ok, so maybe not) But they are right in thinking that no man owes them anything. If you want to be a wife, a mother… that’s amazing and noble and beautiful. But put the brakes on your anxious begging. Cause the good things are just worth waiting for! Why should a man have to cut out his dreams to “make yours come true?”

Some are called to get married young; so, if that was your destiny; ignore the rest.

But as for the others; as for the poor guys who are being pushed and trampled by my generation of females: to you, I’m sorry.

Girls…Should he love you? YES. Should he support you? YOU BET. But wait until he’s ready to do so. Stop expecting men to give up their dreams of being Superman, of climbing mountains, parachuting from planes… all because you want your Barbie Dream Home today. And in all of this, is a letter to myself as well, because I know I’ve been guilty in my expectations of guys too.

Manipulating the man you claim to love to give up his dreams to “love” you.. isn’t going to make him noble, selfless or husband-worthy. It’s going to make YOU selfish.

Because HIS dreams matter just as much as yours do.

Because believe it or not, if you give them some time to fly, they won’t feel so hard to hold on to later. They won’t seem so afraid to commit and settle down.

Because they will have seen the world. They will have ridden through the skies; they will realize that the years they’re coming upon with a home, a wife, little babies running in their diapers is just as adventurous, just as meaningful, just as fun. And they will realize it because they won’t be left wondering about all the other “What ifs”

Marriage, relationships, are meant to make us stronger; it’s about being a team. But how strong is a team if one of them was selfish and the other forced to be selfless?

Now, all of that to say: Boys, don’t make those sweet girls believe that you’re ready if you are not. It’s okay to say you’ve got some things you want to do firstSo, don’t think I’m giving you an easy out. You’re going to have to be honest. But you need to know that there are some of us girls who can understand that; who feel the same way. And that we will respect you for pursuing the youthful dreams God put in your heart before you pursue us.

Girls, please don’t push or beg.
Because even if he gives it all up, buys you the dream home and gives you everything you ask for… you won’t be happy.

Because if you pull fruit before it’s ready.. it doesn’t satisfy anyone.

dreams

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4 thoughts on “This One’s For The Boys”

  1. Hi! This is great and I’m glad you wrote it. I just want to put out there that this is actually what feminism is about–giving everyone the opportunity to follow their dreams equally. I do think there’s pressure on guys to support women. Maybe if we all just followed our dreams and were independent in ourselves (and came together as a team to support each other equally) then we might have fewer problems.

    Again, thanks for writing this.

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