I didn’t think I’d get here.
The place where it really doesn’t really matter anymore. The place where I can laugh at the things that once brought me the worst pain.
It sweetly wrapped itself around me today on a long car drive with my new housemate, this idea that I’m in a new place.
Not just physically, although that’s true. But that the things that once entangled me are no longer apart of my daily life, my morning routine, my to-do list.
I don’t wake up with them next to me or find them staring at me over my first cup of coffee. They don’t accompany me on my morning drive. I don’t bump in to them on the sidewalk on my lunch break. They’re not waiting for me on the porch when I come home.
All the things I never thought I’d let go of aren’t here and I’m still breathing.
I realized that I’m blessed to be in this new place, this crazy state they call Georgia. And when you go to a new place, there’s a few things you’ve got to do.
You’ve gotta make it your own.
This moment of your life, the friendships, these streets, this place. You’ve got to decide that it needs your torch, your laughter, a little piece of your mind and a big part of your heart.
And until you decide that, you’ll never know what kind of greatness you’ve got to give. You’ll never know the mighty way you might change a little corner of this universe.
You’re here, you’re not back there. You’re not where you thought you’d end up; but you’re here and that’s a pretty glorious thing if you let it be. If you really accept that you weren’t meant to end up where you first expected, but that you’re on your way to something greater and something that just might be the very thing you always hoped to find.
It’s not easy; I can be the first one to say that. Deciding to make a change, leaving old things behind, starting a new chapter; all of that will threaten to break you, squash you, cage you in. But you’ve got to realize it’s an opportunity. If you let it, it can be a gift instead of a loss.
Somehow we’ve got to learn how to pilot this plane; how to land it, refuel it, and go on our way again. Never being unaffected by the places we’ve been, but also not letting them be what keeps us grounded and unable to fly to the next destination.
Some people will fly with you, others will stay on the ground and you’ve got to learn how to keep that from ruining the ride. Don’t forget to laugh, to sit with those who will bust out in horrible dance moves with you. To forgive those that chose not to come to the airport to see you off. To love them anyway and to not sit with that kind of weight as you travel. Keep your bags light, don’t pack all the things that might make you wish you had stayed. You couldn’t have ever convinced them to go with you, so don’t think that you should have put it off any longer.
And when you arrive, go running off that airplane and find yourself embracing this new place you call home. I think we have all gotten so attached to the idea of the best and most dramatic running scenes are in the departure section of the airport. That’s where we see the confessions of love, the moments of truth, the dream finally coming true.
I want my running scene to happen upon my arrivals. When I’m in a strange place with unfamiliar people who have not earned my open armed embrace. I want to greet them with all the love in my bones. I want to crash into them with a happy heart that says,” I’ve come for you and I want to show you just how incredible I think you are, just how wonderful we could be together.”
It takes choosing to leave that voice of doubt, accusation, insecurity and fear behind. Just decide that it got lost somewhere along the way and you refuse to let it follow. It didn’t have a plane ticket, doesn’t know your new address and will never have an invitation to where you now live. Open the door and walk in and choose to slam the door behind you with a certainty that you won’t open it to the past again.
You’re in a new place. (If you want to be). Whether you actually move or whether you stay where you are, you can decide to stop living in the departure portion of your airport. You can stop waiting there by the gate for your loose ends to be tied and grand gestures to be made.
You can get on the plane, change your point of view and arrive with a decision to greet whatever comes your way next. You can choose to be excited about where you end up. To let go of what you thought might be and instead shake hands with what’s waiting for you in a place you never knew you’d be, but might be the best place you could ever find.
7 thoughts on “You’re Here, You’re Not Back There”
Perfect thing to read to start my week. Loved this.
Beautiful Ashlin. Yes to this! This creates in me the desire to run out if that arrival gate and thrive! Not simply wait cautiously for my life once I get to England to start picking up but to throw myself in to what God has for me. Because wherever we are, He is still the same. Keep digging girl. Xoxo
Oh, I love you friend! So glad this inspired you. You’re made for greatness and England better get ready because you’re coming and you’re going to rock that place!
Sent from my iPhone
I’m laughing, crying and feeling. I love you Ashlin Horne! Your words aren’t just words but your actions. I saw it the first week we met. Thanks for being vulnerable. You love more deeply in a short time than most people know how to do in a lifetime… and it’s all because of Jesus. And with it comes more hard but also more good. Keep embracing. ❤
by the way… I’m on your computer so it says that you said it but it’s actually me. I.E. Constance 🙂
Made my day, i love reading your post. (: