“For me, when something is over, it’s over.”
She paused, taking a sip of her latte. “I think we’re always looking for some kind of conversation that will tie everything up, but sometimes, you just have to make your own closure.”
We just sat next to the window, staring at one another. Both of us instantly realized that those words were an earth shattering secret for growth.
You don’t always get the punctuation mark you want. Sometimes you don’t get the period (the final statement). You don’t always get the exclamation mark (the words that are worthy of everything you carried). Sometimes, you get the question mark. Or sometimes, it all stops mid sentence.
Still, you can flip the page, start something new and move forward.
And maybe you go back there one day. Maybe you finally get to pull that person, that time, that place back into your story. Or maybe it was always just a chapter to build you, grow you, teach you how to value yourself.
Her brown eyes looked dead at me and she said it so firmly, “You’ll know when you have to move forward.”
I threw up my hands and asked her a million questions. I wanted specifics, I wanted the location of the neon signs that would tell me when to let things go.
“You will know. If and when that day comes, let go and run for your life.”
She didn’t say it to scare me, but because her shoulders are well familiar with the consequences of carrying heavy things for far too long.
I started thinking about the last time I had to let go and move forward. What got me there? How did I finally empty my hands and pack my bags? I remembered it was a friend who handed me a permission slip by saying these words: it’s not on you anymore.
It’s not on you anymore.
I had done the thing—the hard thing. I had given until I was somewhere far past empty and well into starving and feeling gnawing hunger pains. But even so, I needed someone to look me in the eye and recognize that I couldn’t let go on my own. I’ve never been able to pull my aching fingers and white knuckles from things that I so desperately want to keep. I wanted to fix it, to leave things better that I found them.
So, when you’ve done all you can, grab hold of this permission slip I’m offering you: it’s not on you anymore and you can make your own closure.
We try to make movies out of our heartache. We want the dialogue that cuts, closes, makes sense of the story we’ve been walking through. Don’t wait around for that. Don’t hold on and keep trying because it hurts too much for you to think that things could end this way. Don’t drag out any pitiful stories that become thieves of your joy.
I got a permission slip from God the other day. I was vacuuming the carpet when He reminded me of my blue rubber band. I first decided to wear it around my wrist for one specific purpose: to pull at my heart when I wanted to settle. Because I am known to do that.
I am a chronic settler.
But I figured out that summer what I wanted. I realized what could be mine if I would hold on, work hard and wait for it. For months I wore it and on days when things felt impossible, when I wanted to settle for something less, that blue rubber band would dig its point deep into my heart. There’s still more. This isn’t all there is. Keep holding on.
God brought that back to me the other night when I asked him what He thought about the things I’ve been holding in my hands.
Make your own closure.
Three cups of coffee in and I knew that those would be words to change my life. You’ll know when it’s time to let go and when that times comes, don’t bleed yourself dry waiting for closing conversations, loose ends tied up nicely, apologies and best wishes. You should walk on toward better things, because tidy endings don’t always come.
12 thoughts on “When Something is Over”
hey Ashlin its Shilloh i really love your articles. keep it up.
Thank you so much, Shilloh!
EXACTLY what I needed to hear today! Your words are such an encouragement!
I needed to hear this today. I had a situation a couple months ago in which I had to run from some relationships. I burned the bridge and wished I hadn’t, but it happened. I’ve been praying and wishing for closure. When you wrote: “You’ll know when it’s time to let go and when that times comes, don’t bleed yourself dry waiting for closing conversations, loose ends tied up nicely, apologies and best wishes. You should walk on toward better things, because tidy endings don’t always come.”, that was a powerful statement to me. I’ll probably still hope and pray for restoration of relationships, one day, but I’ll move forward into the adventure of life.
Thanks so much for reading. There’s always a hope and prayer for restoration and redemption, but once we’ve done our part, we can’t be in unhealthy places when other people aren’t ready to do the same. Glad these words helped. Thanks for commenting!
I’ve been going through similar situations and letting go is just so hard. I always have a hard time moving on even after I have made my decisions.. Thank you for these words! Love your posts 🙂
Man … if this wasn’t right on time.
” You don’t always get the punctuation mark you want. Sometimes you don’t get the period (the final statement). You don’t always get the exclamation mark (the words that are worthy of everything you carried). Sometimes, you get the question mark. Or sometimes, it all stops mid sentence.”
This is the part that stood out to me the most. I loved this and I will bookmark it to be able to remember that when something is over, sometimes you don’t get the closure you want, be it in a romantic relationship or a friendship. Thank ypu. xx
I SO needed to read this today. On 24 May my stepson died in a car accident. He was only 24 years old, 24 years and 9 days. For years my husband battled to see his children, his ex-wife did everything humanly possible to keep the children from him, for no other reason than being spiteful. She didn’t even have the decency to let us know about his accident, the stepfather did. Up to this day she haven’t spoken to us or even acknowledged our presence at the funeral. This left so many things unsettled, not closed. We, especially my husband, is battling with this. I read this to him today. We will have to accept that we will never get an apology from her, that there will never be closure. We will have to let go and move on, past our pain, towards being joyful again.
Once again, a friend of mine posted this on her Facebook. Once again, you did it Ashlin. Lights out awesome.
It’s not on you, it’s on Jesus. It’s on the cross.
Thanks so much!
This brought the tears I’ve been holding back all day. Thank you for writing this, it tugged at uncomfortable places and brought me to a place of humility. Letting go. The hardest but possibly best thing one can do, but i suppose it’s easier said than done.. Maybe.