As I type this, I am sitting next to a couple that is most definitely on their first date. I have had to turn my head a few times to keep from absolutely rolling out of my chair. I am 100% experiencing the awkwardness of a first date that is not even mine. I have decided that this is going to be my new hobby because it is by far the most entertaining thing I have ever observed.
So here are a few things that should be “DO NOT DO THIS ON THE FIRST DATE” rules list that apparently are not common sense.
a) Do not spend significant amounts of time comparing your date to YOUR MOTHER. Really? As she states that she loves doing Zumba, don’t go off on a 15 minute rant about how your mother loves to do zumba too…and etc. Not a conversation that is worth having; especially when he actually uses the phrase “Let me talk about my mother…” AFTER the conversation is on a completely different topic…Excuse me, what?
b) Do not insult your date’s facebook profile picture. Do not tell him that he looks stupid or like he “posed” because he will inevitably LIE and say that his daughter did it, not him… which is obviously not true by the redness in his poor embarassed face…seriously, help him out.
c) B brings me to my next point, if someone insults your facebook…don’t blame your poor daughter who is not present to defend herself.
d) Don’t talk about how many e-mails you get from women wanting to go out with you on your dating profile. Confidence is fine, but bragging…not so much.
e) When your date tells you that his cousin manages a specific Sheetz, don’t make the statement that the specified Sheetz is a bad one.
f) Don’t talk about all the things that women have told you they don’t like about you…
g) Any statement that starts with “WELL…I’ll just go ahead and tell you…” cannot end well, RUN!
h) Starting the previous statement…do not then suddenly jump up from the table and say “I need drink!” That’s awkward and leaves your date in fear that you’re about to drop a huge bomb.
i) A history of your previous marriages on the first date….so NOT a good idea.
j) let the woman talk. do not dominate conversation. when she brings up her dad, don’t insist that you once again want to talk about your mother.
These poor people, I cannot figure out how this date has not already ended. On both sides of this situation, I would have RUN FOR MY LIFE. Whether it be from sheer embarrassment or complete and total fear… I’d be long gone. Nevertheless, it was good entertainment while I was working on studying for my math.
Hope all of you are well!
ASHLIN BOYLES 