“I love the things that, without explanation, you know in your gut and feel in your bones.”
I tweeted that today and found that it’s one of those statements that sticks with you. I am always asking for answers, always asking for some kind of explanation or profound wisdom to fall upon me. I find now that my favorite things are the ones are the silent knowings, the things that words cannot confirm or deny. They just are.
I went on a drive today. Maybe I went because I was bored or because I needed some fresh air. I was waiting on a moment. I figured that moment would come when reality would hit me and I would begin to doubt everything. I waited to see if fear was going to rear its ugly head and taunt me with the temptation to give up on all that I feel in my gut, the things I can’t see, but know in my heart to be true.
That moment never came. As I released control, stopped looking for a way out, and decided to embrace the whispers that burrowed themselves deep into my soul, I found a freedom I’ve been waiting for. Rather than fear, it was perfect peace that found its way to the surface.
I think I’ve been more afraid to believe than to not. That’s the thing about belief, while we are taught it is foolish and immature, I find that to be impossible. For belief is much harder than doubt. Belief requires a certain amount of joy; in true belief, it is nearly impossible to be in despair for very long. Because belief, faith, has an incomparable ability to weave itself through your heart, emotions, and perception to where everything appears brighter. You cannot look at the world through a lens of confident faith and it not carry a life changing joy. True faith, that pleases God, is the kind that is certain of his existence and is positive that because He lives and lives joyfully that He fights to give that same kind of life to those He loves.
If words of explanation find me, I will gladly welcome them. If I find answers, I will be sure to write them down. But for now, I am perfectly content with knowing, believing and soaking in the profound silent assurance that stirs in me right now.