Written this morning:
Sunlight beaming in my window, I am smiling at all I’m seeing about Jesus today. He daily changes the way I see. Today, I’m loving the view. As I sit in this morning light, I hear the quiet love that whispers, “I’ll stay”. I recall the days in which the excitement was gone and there were no adventures on the horizon, and precious was the love that said as I was falling asleep, “I will still be here in the morning.” He finds me when I am dreaming and sits waiting for me to wake. Never am I out of his reach. I never have to question His commitment to me. There is never a day in which I will awake to find a note next to me that says goodbye. I will never walk through an empty house wondering where He’s gone and if He will return. No meal will be spent alone. Never will I stare at an empty chair before me. I am continually reminded in moments that outwardly appear to be solitary, that I am far from being alone. It’s moments like these when I can almost hear breathing and an audible heartbeat. When I invited him in, I knew He said He’d stay, but I wasn’t sure that I believed Him. Yet now, years later I find that He is still here. Not looking uncomfortable or as if he is ready to move on, He is happily residing here, with no intentions to ever do anything else. I am reminded that it was not my hospitable actions nor my quirky charm that convinced him to come and stay, but rather a choice entirely His own. I did not manipulate him into this arrangement, nor did I have to beg. It was all His idea, not mine in the least.
It’s a love story I learn more about every day. There are some days when He is in a different room, doing something new that I start to panic for just a moment. Did he leave? But if I stop, just for a second, open my ears in the silence, I can still hear Him. Joyfully working, I peek in to find him creating a new piece to add to this place in which He’s made His home. I find that He continues to surprise me. Never doing the same thing, but always remaining. I am continually surprised by the newness I find in each day. The passing days never look the same and yet there is a comforting consistency to them. He has made this place His home and although we’re adding and changing, He has hung his coat in a movement of finality. There is nowhere else to go. I hear those thoughts that tell me I must be a good hostess, I must serve him well or he will not stay. And yet, there’s a continued assurance from Him that even if I were the “best of the best” it would not influence His decision in the least. He would stay either way. Yet, I long to do it well, not because His decision is dependent on me, but because He is so deserving of all that I have. He has made His home with me and I am so undeserving and yet, He makes me feel as if I am the most precious thing He owns. Knowing there’s nothing I can do or fail to do that will change it all, I want to make it the most joyful experience possible. I do not want to spend the moments fighting, complaining or telling Him how I think things should look. I want to find myself watching him in awe, bringing everything I have to Him and making Him laugh in the process. I want the days to be full of endless dancing, laughing, singing and bursts of excitement. I want Him to know the joy I see when I watch Him at work. I want Him to know how fascinated I am by His ability to take the old and make it new. I want Him to see the relief I feel when I see how He is not affected or surprised by the things that need repair. He is ecstatic to fix them and watch my face light up as He makes something beautiful from something tragic.
Today, I am peaceful and yet stirred by all that He is and How he has chosen to stay with me through it all. Never having missed one moment, I can’t imagine why He’d want to do it all again today…tomorrow and for all of eternity. But He does. He is good and He is beyond what my mind can wrap around and today, I am thankful to sit with him as I watch him work. May the coming days be even more beautiful than the former and may I always wake up in awe and gratitude that He will always do as He says and He will always be who He promised.