Remember that “Plan B” blog post that I wrote like a year ago? Yeah, well there’s a reverse side to it as well. So, here’s what we’ve all been waiting for… the follow up article has finally arrived!
I wish you could really see that, and I wish you could see the injustice it is. For someone to have made you a convenience, a decoration, a luxury for their selfishness. That simply is a crying shame.
You deserve far more than just being her coat rack, the thing she keeps in the corner to hold her stuff until she’s ready to take it all back. Don’t stand around and let that happen.
Because if you’re not enough now, you never will be. And even if she changes her mind, you’ll always know. You’ll always remember that there was a point when she just wasn’t sure she could love you.
And you deserve far more than someone who sits on the fence about you.
You know exactly the kind of girl I’m talking about. You know it because it only takes five seconds for her gaze to be off of you in a room full of others. She uses phrases like “You SHOULD be doing this” or “I want..” “I need.” I.. I.. I.
There’s always an “I” and never an “us” or a “we” and there is absolutely, positively, never a “you.”
And you deserve for someone to care about you. To want more for you than they ever could want for themselves. You’re the kind of guy who should hear that he’s a good man, that he’s got a good head on his shoulders, that he’s made for more than just a 9 to 5 and bringing home the bacon.
I used to be her. I used to sit with arms folded, nose in the air, demanding slavery instead of desiring chivalry. I somewhere got caught up in the idea that not only should Prince Charming put the shoe on my foot, but he should first have it dipped in pure gold and give me a foot massage before making sure it fit.
I didn’t ever consider the process that it is to search Cinderella out, how exhausting it can get. How misled, or how taken advantage of he may have been in the past. There may have been hundreds of disappointing situations before He met me. I can’t fault him for weighing things out, for walking a little close to the side of caution. But instead, I’ve always just rolled my eyes and said “He just needs to man up!”
Oh, and then for the ones that do “man up”, who we’ve thrown in the friend zone. We never actually let you know that you’re in the friend zone, because we like the attention. We like that we can lean on you, pull from your affection and wrap it around us when we’re lonely. But we never intend to let things go beyond that friend zone. But you are not a refrigerator. You are not made for all of your inner contents to be taken and enjoyed, as the rest of you sits empty in the corner. Despite the title, that’s not even the friend zone, that’s the trash pile. If a girl uses you for affirmation, comfort, an ego boost and then just leaves you empty, she’s definitely not even your friend.
We deserve to be pursued and protected, but you deserve to be honored and given some credit. You are not every man, you do not deserve our “trust issues” to be dumped in your lap. You do not deserve to be categorized by our insecurity, fear, impatience, or past experiences. You should not always be taking a test to “prove yourself” or to “earn our respect”.
You’re strong, a fighter, made for honor.
But that doesn’t mean you can’t have weaknesses, that you won’t mess up, that you also shouldn’t be fought for.
It isn’t all on you. You don’t have to carry the weight of our world on your shoulders.
I’m sorry for all the girls who slammed you for not staying with your face on the ground, kissing every trail she trots on. You’re not the carrier of her chariot. You’ve got things inside of you that are meant to create greatness, change the world, climb mountains, win battles. And while she should be considered and pursued, adored, that doesn’t mean she should always be calling all the shots. She’s not your captain, chief or your commandment maker.
Don’t make her your back-up plan, your second place and don’t keep looking for excuses to not commit. But don’t decide to choose her because you think that’s the fate of all men: to strap on that ball and chain, give up their freedom, because that’s what will make a woman happy.
I’m guessing she’s beautiful. She’s probably endearing, and it probably makes you feel good every single time you make her laugh. But that doesn’t mean that you come in with head down, let her strap on a collar and hand her a leash. She shouldn’t try to tame, break, bridle or brand you.
You are a man and you are not made for a cage.
She should make you feel alive, not train you for treats. You are worthy of dignity and respect. You are powerful and impressive. You are influential and distinguished.
And it’s not always your fault.
If she’s got Daddy issues or failed relationships. You shouldn’t be blamed or take the brunt. You’re good at loving, at protecting, at making decisions. You are not a punching bag or dart board. You are not a failure at affection, compassion or communication.
You are far too extraordinary to ever settle. The world needs more men like you, men who want to get their hands dirty, who are made entirely for guts and glory. You are not made of stone, so don’t think we expect that and don’t let her make you become that.
You are incredible and I really mean that. You deserve to have someone who doesn’t seek to change one thing about you. She will see your imperfections, but she’s not too prissy or pretentious to trust you in the midst of them. Knowing that it doesn’t make you unreliable, immature or underdeveloped.
You are worthy of someone who trusts you to overcome the struggles, who knows you won’t settle for failure. That though you may fall, you will always rise; that you are strong and enduring. You deserve someone who won’t retreat as soon as you cross the front lines. You’re a forerunner and you need someone who doesn’t doubt your victory.
You’re a man, you’re not made for a cage. So let yourself fly free while the door still swings open.