You deserve better than someone who is afraid to commit to you. It may seem like enough for now. You’re just taking things slow. Oh, how I know those little phrases of “one day” and “we just need time.”
You believe them.
And I’ve believed them.
But you’re not a “Plan B” kind of girl.
You need to know that you’re not the invisible one standing in the back who gets chosen last.
You’re the girl who the team captain will be frantically hoping doesn’t get picked by someone else before he gets a turn. You’re a first-pick kind of girl, and no one worth having sits back and lets those girls wait around. Because every good man knows that the good ones get gone fast.
He should be jumping out of his skin in anticipation to call out your name and say “I pick you.”
But he’s scared…and I’ve got commitment issues…and we don’t like labels.
And. And. And.
Like a fool, I’ve stood there picking at the fabric of my sweater and spinning excuses. I’ve heard them all. I’ve used them all.
He’s been hurt. He’s busy. He’s in school. He doesn’t have a good car. He has Momma issues. His Dad left. His Great Aunt’s second cousin’s puppy just died.
You’re not the kind of girl who needs to make excuses for him.
Good girls shouldn’t and don’t have to finish last.
Honey, you must be at the wrong game and with the wrong players, because you’re not a substitute, average, or second string.
You’re a catch. You are beautiful and funny and fabulous. Rooms light up when you walk in. Heads turn when you giggle and the earth itself adores the kiss of your feet.
You are worthy to be chosen, pursued, adored, loved, respected and informed. This whole “Do we really have to define this thing?” is almost always a delicate way of asking “Will you fill this lonely spot until I decide nothing better is coming along?”
Stop being afraid that you are not worthy enough to be claimed. Stop thinking “I’ll take what I can get. Maybe I will be enough for him one day. Maybe he will be enough for me.”
Don’t even consider the lie that says “I can’t set my standards too high, because if I do, I might end up alone.”
Better to be alone than taken for granted. Better to be alone than to be a placeholder.
The one that loves you isn’t afraid to say it. If he cares about you, he won’t even blink because the idea of giving another man the chance to swoop in is just unacceptable.
He will fight and use labels or poems or the Goodyear blimp to show you that you’re just the right fit for that open place in his heart, that no other piece will do.
You should be nobody’s second choice.
He will lose his pride to tell you that you make him nervous and he will spend his heart to find what makes you laugh. He will tell you that you’re worth words and flowers and promises.
And you will believe him, because you’ll see it in the way he watches you walk across a room. You won’t have to question it by analyzing a text message or deciphering the tone of an e-mail. He will drive over on a Tuesday to bring you coffee and you’ll see it in his face and hear it in the way he asks about your day.
Your answer will lie in the memories of nervous beginnings and awkward introductions. You’ll know because the questions didn’t take long to fade. Because he said what he meant and meant what he said. And even when he messed up, he made up.
You’re not his back pocket plan, fill-in girl, or multiple choice answer. You are fierce and a force to be reckoned with and the kind of girl whose beauty calls for hand-written notes, words like “wow” and car rides to the ocean.
Take nothing else and be nothing less.
Be the kind of girl who deserves him and treats him with kindness. Who laughs at his jokes and thanks him when he opens your door. Leave the head games behind you. Encourage him and wear the kinds of dresses that make him respect you. Be the kind of girl who gasps at his surprises and hugs him for his compliments. Be worthy of the kind of man that you deserve and & the man that he was born to be.
Stop waiting for the guy who isn’t sure you’re enough and respect yourself enough to wait for the one that knows you are.
Hey, there’s more!
After a lot of awesome feedback, I’ve written a second article that kind of follows up to this one and is really the reverse side. This article Men Are Not Made For Cages is an encouragement for men. Check it out!