“I’ll take a coffee.”
He begins slowly pouring it into the white paper cup. “Room for cream and sugar?”
I shake my head, “No.”
He looks slightly surprised, but says nothing as he pops the plastic top onto the cup.
If you’re going to love something, learn to love it exactly the way it is.
This is my thought about coffee, about life, about people.
We’re always trying to add things, change things, make them sweeter and easier to swallow.
I don’t want to expect anything different than what I’m being handed. This is it. This cup of coffee, this moment, this human being. This is what’s in front of me and that has to be enough, it should be enough.
I want to be enough as I am.
I realized that when I was working in the living room in my pajamas the other morning. Our house is consistently knocked upon by visitors and I’m just learning how to open the door.
No running to the mirror to check my hair, no throwing the little messes into the laundry room. I want to be enough, just as I am.
When I’m angry, in denial, in my sweatpants with two day hair. When there’s just not enough energy in me to do what needs to be done. When I’m disappointing people, disappointing myself, I want to know that it’s not the end of the world.
I want you to hear that from me. I want you to know that there’s some grace for you, when you can’t stand for another second. If you just need me to grab your shoulders and say: just rest, you have the time you need to figure this out, I’ll do that for you.
It’s okay that you haven’t figured it out yet. Everyone is rushing you and you’re overwhelmed with the idea of having to figure out where one more piece fits in this puzzle…but you don’t have to do it today. You don’t even have to do it tomorrow.
There’s going to come a day where you do have to get up, make your bed, and make a decision. You can’t stay here in your comfy chair forever. But today, if you need to rest, I’m here to tell you that you’re still enough.
In your weakest moment, you are adequate. You’re allowed to get tired and frustrated. You are allowed to take a break. You are allowed to let people down, because you are not perfect.
You are still human. You are still fragile. While you are wildly adequate, stunning, worth loving you are still just made of dust.
And you can’t carry it all. You can’t be everything to everybody all the time. You can’t be every single piece to every empty corner of a puzzle. You’re just you, you’re just one person and that’s all you have to be today, just you. And you can be weak if you need to be, you can cry and laugh until you can’t distinguish which is which anymore and you’re just letting out whatever it is that’s been burrowing so deep inside of you this week.
Black coffee. Frustrating days. People who are broken. I’m learning to love them, hold them, take them exactly as they are, nothing added and nothing else expected.
We’re enough today, even if we’re at our weakest, we are adequate and worth love even if we still haven’t figured things out.