The 7 Deadly Reasons (that you don’t want to be a Pastor’s kid)

After the day I’ve had today. I would like to give you the 7 reasons why you do not want to be “The Pastor’s Kid.”

1. What’s yours is mine.

Because you’re the Pastor’s fam. People automatically assume (even if they’re not members of your church) that you are required by God to share everything with them. This includes your house, your family time, your money, your food, your children’s birthdays…etc. You are not allowed to have ANYTHING that is not offered to the general public.

They will barge in your house when you’re sick and on what feels like your deathbed. You’ll be sweating bullets, throwing up green goop and have failed to take a shower in two days and they’ll walk in and expect you to carry on a convo with them. They’ll walk in your house and experience indecent exposure. Especially if you live in the parsonage.. FORGET going half freebird in the comfort of your own home.. because they WILL walk in on you. Unfortunately, my fam has experienced this more times than we’ll own up to.

2. I remember you when you were a “lil ole thing”.

You can count on the fact that at least 73946 times in your life as a PK you will be told, “I remember when you were a lil ole thing”. As if somehow this means that they have this “special” connection with you that other people don’t. Better yet, that they have a special connection with your parents. PK’s are apparently special angelic children…that if you got to hold them as an infant.. you are “in” with the big man at the podium.

3. “Remember that time you…..”

As a PK, people will make it a POINT to remember the top 10 embarrassing things you’ve done at church. It’s like people keep a journal so that when their kids do something stupid, they can say…”well hey, the pastor’s kid did this one time..” They also LOVE to bring it up to you when you’re in front of other people in the congregation (especially the new comers). “Let me tell you about the time Ashlin…..”

Usually for me, it was something like the time I carried my stuffed dog in the Christmas play (when I was an angel). That’s one of the LEAST embarrassing. I’ll spare you the other ones.

4. You’re assumed to be a “bad child” or you better live a sinless life.

First people will automatically assume that because your a Pastor’s kid…you’re a rebel. THEN if they find out you’re not…they expect you to live the a sinless life. Every time you DO commit a sin they gasp and say “but…you’re the PASTOR’S kid.”

5. Everyone will die and get married at the most inconvenient times.

You will be required to attend the weddings and funerals of the guy who sits on the fifth row’s second cousin’s half sister’s brother. You will not only be REQUIRED to attend, you will have to run the sound equipment, mourn/rejoice with the fam, direct the wedding, tell the funeral home people what to do,

OH and when the people who just got married decide to smear red icing on the floor and shove cucumbers behind the stove YOUR fam will be up ’til 2 am cleaning it up after all have gone home.

OR …on the day of your 6th birthday party..someone will have died. Suck it up though and be the good PK ;).

6. Sing that again!

I am past the point of believing it’s sheer coincidence that people don’t normally have a pastor whose kids can’t carry a tune in a bucket. No, unfortunately most Pastor’s kids can sing…and you may as well prepare yourself that if you can you will hear this:

“can you sing that one song?” OH and they expect you to know EXACTLY which one you’re talking about. Once you FINALLY figure it out. It will UNDOUBTEDLY be the one song you despise the most and never want to sing again.

THEN after you sing it… the “Spirit will move” and you will hear people shout “sing it again!” and you will have to hold your breath and your impatience and belt it ALL over again.

7. You’ll always be introduced as “this is my pastor’s kid.”

You will see someone you know EVERY SINGLE PLACE THAT YOU GO. You will be pulled and jostled to meet their family/friends and they will say excitedly, “this is my pastor’s kid”. Everyone will gasp and you will feel like a caged zoo animal who is supposed to do something spectacular to impress the crowd. Perhaps, balance a Bible on your nose, or sing Jesus Loves Me in six different languages.

I grew up with so many kids wishing their dad was the pastor. Don’t get me wrong, God placed me with the right fam and I love them…despite the fact that we’re the pastor’s fam. I just wanted to now give you the reasons why you wouldn’t wish it on yourself. While it has it’s fun times (I have to admit… when you get to see their faces turn bright red as they catch you walking through your house in your under garments… it’s absolutely hilarious)….it’s not an easy job. This was just for the fun of telling you what some of us have gone through…and I remembered it today as I experienced one of the many “perks” of being the PK. 🙂

Love you guys!

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