I have been given a beautiful gift this week.
Yesterday morning before the sun woke up, heaven rejoiced at the arrival of my sweet uncle Doyt.
And while there is no ache quite like the one of a family member leaving this earth; this week, my mind has made its home around the last conversation I had with him.
I can’t tell you all the ins and outs of the conversation, but I remember laughter and I remember the last words we spoke as we sweetly embraced. And there is no greater gift to me in this moment than knowing the last words I spoke, the last words I heard, were i love you.
How there are so many people in my life with whom this is not the case. People that I haven’t left them with a bouquet of beautiful words, arranged and alive in a way that lights up a room or brings a fresh scent.
In this time of sadness, I have security and rest in the fact that my heart did not dwell in a place of indifference or distraction. But that the words spoken were nothing short of my heart in my hands; that his words were the same. Genuine and worthy of speaking. I’ve come to learn even with family, the words i love you or i care should never taste of routine… they should be spoken with your eyes focused, arms embracing and an unconditional heart.
This is not a “live every moment like its your last” speech It’s a live every moment like it’s your first. Say what needs to be said as if you had never said it before, as if the words from your mouth and your heart are fresh water to a parched soul. Speak love from a place of raw truth, not of obligated routine. And don’t simply respond to the people you love with a quick “love you too”. Say those three words as they should be said and as they were created to be heard; selfless and heavy, sincere and bold. Let your mouth and your heart carry the weight of all that i love you brings.
There will be no greater gift; even for those who stay on this earth another 80 years, than for them to have you lay your pride, your routine, your heart, your fear, your phone down and look them in the face and say the words that we were created to hear & to know. You are loved. You are worthy to have my heart in your hands for this moment.
I’m grateful I didn’t run out the door, that I didn’t let the busy activities of the day or my other plans crowd those last few moments with my uncle. That for whatever reason, God quieted my mind and opened my eyes to see the importance of that moment and of giving and receiving the affection of one of the sweetest men this world has and will ever know.
May those kinds of genuine moments never cease to amaze me, to break me and to bring life to me. And may those three small words only grow in their weight and in their truth. May God give me the kind of love that is soaked in hope, even after the loved one has moved on.
ASHLIN BOYLES 